Four years ago, I along with many others — including a mother and father, a husband, sister, brother, son and countless friends, were faced with a terrible tragedy and the loss of a loved one to cancer.
As I was looking back at my previous blog, I came across this post that I had written the year it happened, and it brought me to tears. So I wanted to keep this message out in the world, because it means a lot to me, and I am hoping others out there will be able to relate to the feeling of losing someone so special. At the time, and still today, I had never lost someone so close to me before, and I wasn’t sure how to feel.
I was filled with a roller coaster of emotions, my stomach literally in knots as if I was on the way down. Sadness. Fear. Heartbreak. Hopelessness. And worst of all regret.
I couldn’t help but think of all of the times we passed up on making plans until “next time” because things didn’t work out. And I hated myself for struggling to remember all those amazing memories we had together that used to be so vivid. Why couldn’t I remember them? It was like they suddenly disappeared. And why didn’t we make a point to call or text more? Over and over again waves of regret streamed over me and moments in time when I knew I should have called replayed in my mind. All I wished for was one more phone call.
Eventually, I started to feel at ease that she was free from her suffering. My memories of her came back and I would smile instead of cry. My friends and I grew stronger and vowed never to take a moment in this short life for granted. I swore to myself I would not let opportunities to travel with my girlfriends pass me by without serious consideration. To make more time in my day for phone calls and texts. I realized that memories are the most important thing in life. More important than fame, fortune or materialistic possessions. And it has changed my life.
I think about living this way every single day. To not let an opportunity to make memories with my friends and family pass me by. And I know that’s what she would have done. She lived her life to the fullest and never passed on an opportunity to travel. She was passionate, easy going, smart and funny. And I’ll think about her everyday and remember to not take things so seriously. To live life to the fullest. To remember all the good times and not stress over the little things. And most importantly, never pass on an opportunity to be kind and loving to others and cherish every single memory we create.
Jane this was so well written. You words tugged at my heart strings. You are such a special young woman. May life always give you many blessings.
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me, I am so glad you were touched.
Hi Jane , Lauren is my niece , her mom is my sister. That was such a beautiful thing you wrote and you said it perfectly. We always say we should learn from Lauren to live life to its fullest while we can , sometimes we need reminders. We all miss her terribly but know she is keeping a watchful eye on her loved ones especially Evan .
My heart goes out to you! Thank you so much for the kind words and yes we will always remember her amazing spirit and it will be a reminder to us all to live life to the fullest.
Love you!
Beautifully written. I wouldn’t change a word
Thank you Dad!