If any has ever told you that pregnancy is hard… they haven’t told you about postpartum yet.
As I was reviewing some old posts that I recovered from my old blog, I came across this one and it brought back all of the emotions of being home as a first time mom with a newborn. I was so thankful that I wrote this as I was reading it because I almost had forgotten what it was really like, and it all came back to me in heartbreaking detail.
I wanted to repost this because I did learn a lot from it. So here is an updated view of my first few weeks home with Rylee and 3 things I didn’t expect postpartum.
Pregnancy Vs. Postpartum
In my experience, my pregnancy felt easy. I didn’t have any morning sickness (honestly I didn’t even know I was pregnant until few months in) and was able to workout with no issues. I never got overly emotional or any mood swings. But my experiences postpartum were far more difficult than my pregnancy and was something I was not prepared for.
After giving birth, I loved having Rylee in my life more than anything — it was the most amazing experience in the world. I mean, I had the privilege of waking up to this beautiful face every morning 2-3 hours.
But I was not prepared for the emotional and physical rollercoaster of postpartum. Maybe it was part fear. Or maybe it was just hormones taking over. I always thought (and maybe didn’t do my research well enough back then) that labor and delivery were the hard and painful part, and after that, being a mom would be a breeze. I prepared myself already for lots of crying and lack of sleep for a couple months, no biggy.
But there are 3 things I definitely didn’t expect postpartum. Here they are, and what I learned after going through it.
1. Being on an Emotional Rollercoaster
I did not expect to be a blob of uncontrollable emotions. Postpartum I was an emotional, hormonal wreck and on a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs. I remember on the first trip driving out of the house with Rylee to the doctor’s office, I was sitting in the backseat with her and literally started crying…. for no reason. And in almost every situation after that? I was crying… for no reason.
I couldn’t help myself but let the water works flow, even at the littlest of things. I don’t love being vulnerable and crying for any reason (except at a sappy romantic comedy or Publix commercial) so when I couldn’t control it, it was really hard.
2. Not Exclusively Breastfeeding
When it came to the topic of breastfeeding, it was an absolute must for me and I was dead set on it. Add to that the insurmountable pressure that the outside world puts on you to do it, too. All the books and everyone else said that “You HAVE to breastfeed” and stressed that it is the most important thing for your baby. And the emphasis they put on breastfeeding made formula look like the legit devil! I totally felt that way, too. I refused to give it to her and only wanted to breastfeed her.
But Rylee had different plans for me. When we arrived at her first doctor’s appointment after that horrifying car ride, the doctor took one look at her and told us that Rylee had lost weight because she wasn’t getting enough nutrition from breastfeeding alone. I completely lost it. Thoughts of failure and depression sunk in and I felt like I couldn’t do the ONE thing I was supposed to do as a mother.
When the doctor told us that formula was OK and still great nutrition to give to Rylee, I felt (a little) better about it. At that point, I had no choice when he opened a bottle of pre-made formula right in front of me and I watched as she slugged down the entire thing in a matter of minutes. I knew that the important thing was to get Rylee the nutrition that she needed, but I was heartbroken as a new mom.
3. Getting Mastitis
And the final thing that I did not expect postpartum, was becoming so ill that I couldn’t care for my own child. After hearing from my doctor that my baby was not growing, getting Mastitis really just brought it to a whole new level. Of which I had never heard of before in my life.
I had come down with a fever of 102 and couldn’t do anything but sleep. My mother, who was thankfully there to help with Rylee while my fever was on the rise, mentioned it may be Mastitis which she had experienced while breastfeeding me. According to MayoClinic.com, Mastitis is an infection of the breast tissue that results in breast pain, swelling, warmth and redness of the breast, usually from breastfeeding. (Have you heard of it?)
I was feeling so useless. I wasn’t able to care for my own child because I was so fatigued. I finally made it into the doctor’s office to get antibiotics, in a state that looking back I probably shouldn’t have been driving in, and I was definitely shocked that this was something I hadn’t heard of but yet seemed so common.
What I Learned
I’m not trying to say that my experiences after having Ry were all bad. This was only in the first two weeks of having her! And I just wasn’t prepared for it. Just like I put a birth plan together, I should have done the same with postpartum. I didn’t give myself a little grace if breastfeeding didn’t work out to supplement with formula, and tell myself that it was OK.
I didn’t allow myself to cry it out and feel good about it. I was scared and ashamed, and I don’t want anyone to ever feel like that.
In the end, I learned a lot. I learned that taking care of yourself AS WELL AS your newborn baby when you get home from the hospital is OK. In fact it is necessary for you to be a happy and healthy momma and able to take care of your little one.
I learned that, even after all the pressure I put on myself about breastfeeding, that the most important thing is that your baby is growing and thriving. And I would never put that pressure on any mother to breastfeed their child.
In fact, supplementing with formula allowed me to take breaks during those late night feedings and get extra rest, while Brett had a chance to feed her and have that bonding moment with her. I was also able to leave the house for longer periods of time to run errands which was really nice. And added bonus – she was able to get that dose of vitamin D that she couldn’t get from breast milk alone.
I also learned to take everything a step at a time, take deep breaths, take help when it is offered, and truly appreciate what an amazing thing it is to bring life into this world. To stop and turn to my husband and daughter and realize how much joy she brought to our lives.
Beautifully said! A great message to all expectant mothers!